What the Heck Is an NPE?

Finding community through difficult discoveries

May 11, 2025

I’d like to start today’s newsletter welcoming all my new subscribers (Annette’s Wanderings has seen a 28% increase in subscriptions this year!). I’m honored by your presence here.

In the midst of what has been a rather full time (more about that a little later), I had the honor of participating with host Lily Wood in a podcast called NPE Stories. The podcast episode, “Annette's Story: Living Into the Truth,” is described this way:

Raised in a devout Catholic family, Annette grew up believing her father had died before she was born. Decades later, a series of emotional discoveries unraveled everything she thought she knew about her identity. Her journey explores loss, secrecy, and the power of living one’s truth.

I hope you’ll take the time to listen to it. I enjoyed participating in it and I hope it’s helpful to others.

What is an NPE?

But before you do, you might very well be wondering, “What the heck is an NPE?” As Lily explains at the beginning of each podcast episode, NPE is a term that stands for “not parent expected” or in genealogical terms, “non-paternity event.” It’s used for people who have found out the life-changing news that their parent wasn’t their biological parent, or in my case, that the deceased parent I believed to be my biological parent wasn’t. You’ll find more about my NPE story in Living Into the Truth: A Daughter’s Journey of Discovery.

If you’re an NPE—even if you didn’t know that’s what it was called—there’s a growing body of resources available to help you process this discovery, decide whether you want to connect with your birth family, and find support if and when you do. You’ll find Facebook groups, podcasts like NPE Stories, therapists, books, etc. Let me know if you’d like help connecting to this vibrant and helpful community. I’m happy to share resources with you.

News and Updates

In the two years I’ve been writing on Substack, this has been the slowest I’ve been publishing new content. I’ve had times when I published every day, sometimes five times a week, sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a month, but, over this past month? Nada.

I’m not one to use the “I’m so busy” mantra that has infected our society. In fact, several years ago, I vowed never to answer “Busy” when someone was kind enough to ask, “How are you?” I’ve mostly kept that promise. I don’t value busyness. In fact, I think that being over-busy is a sign of dis-ease in our society, but that’s a whole another essay.

But lately? Well, let’s just say that I’m in the process of handing off a job that I’ve held as a solo employee for six years (and active volunteer for eleven years before that) and that has shattered all my previous understandings of “busy.” Even when I’m not visibly working—when I’m stretched out in my recliner watching something on Netflix—my brain feels like one of those plastic whirly-gigs you get at the county fair during a high-wind event. I’m constantly adding things to my task list as soon as they whip through my brain because if I don’t, I know they will fly away and be lost forever.

A Quiet Milestone Birthday in Momentous May

This past week, on top of everything else, I celebrated my 70^th birthday. Born on 5-5-55, I chose to celebrate this birthday quietly because, even though it’s a big one, at the end of this month—on 5-25-25—I’m hosting a party to celebrate my retirement. My wife Wendy has referred to this month as Momentous May. It certainly fits that billing!

On May 1^st, the new Executive Director of the Living Legacy Project started work.
May 5^th was my 70th birthday.
On May 8^th, I drove to Rochester, NY, to give the official response to a lecture on a woman I hope to write more about in my retirement, Laura M. Towne. If you’re interested, you can watch the lecture and my response (at the 1 hour mark) here: Deconstructing Mythologies of Unitarian Anti-Racism: To Uplift The Race (Lecture 2 of 3).
On May 13^th, I’m finishing up a four-session memoir class I’m teaching for Diversity Richmond.
On May 16^th, Wendy and I will be at Virginia Tech for our niece’s graduation.
On May 25^th, is my retirement party (if you’re anywhere near the Richmond, VA area, you are invited. Let me know you’d like to celebrate with me, and I’ll send you the address.
May 29 is my last day of work.

Phew!

Later this summer, we’re visiting friends in Anchorage and using that as a home base to explore the Kenai Peninsula and Denali. While we’re there, I’ll be offering a worship service at the Anchorage Unitarian Universalist Fellowship and doing a book reading (because I guess I can’t just enjoy a vacation! HA!).

When we return home, I’ll probably collapse—at least for a while! After that, I’ll be on to some new adventures, which will include doing more to promote my recently published memoir, Living Into the Truth: A Daughter’s Journey of Discovery (including developing the audiobook version), publishing my long-promised memoir, Accidental Mentors: Inspirational Stories of Women Who Shaped My Life by Just Being Themselves, and starting a new writing project (or two)!

I also plan to be doing more traveling than I anticipated when I made my retirement plans, first to Michigan to see friends and family, then to Cape May, New Jersey, to celebrate Wendy’s birthday and witness the Monarch butterfly and hawk migrations, and and finally, to Ajijic, Mexico, with my brother and sister-in-law for the Day of the Dead celebrations. I’ll have much to share with you during and after all that!

Setting Expectations

I’m officially letting myself off the hook for writing anything coherent over the next few weeks. I promise that I’ll write when the spirit moves me. I appreciate your understanding in advance.

Other Incredible Writers and Resources

In the meantime, I invite you to enjoy an incredible writer,

Melissa Febos

who plans to publish more actively on Substack with the release of her latest book, The Dry Season, you can find her at https://substack.com/@melissafebos.

And of course, my wife Wendy always has something thoughtful and creative to say. You can find her at https://substack.com/@wendydegroat.

And finally, if you haven’t yet joined QStack, the LGBTQIA+ Directory, platform, and community of queer newsletters on Substack, this is a great time to do that. Especially, as we move toward Pride month during this time when our lives and rights are under assault, subscribing is a great way to support the LGBTQIA+ community of writers.

In hope and love,

Annette