Saying yes no matter what

Denise demonstrates me what it means to deliver even in the most difficult circumstances.

I invited Denise to meet with me after a Sunday morning church service. Rev. Jeanne had recommended that I talk with her. “She’s the person you’re looking for. She did a fabulous job as president of the congregation. She has the skills and the personality you need,” Jeanne assured me. “I don’t know if she’ll say yes, but I suspect she will.”

Denise and I sat at a table in an area called the middle studio—an open hallway-like area in the church--not necessarily an ideal place for a private conversation.

“We don’t know each other,” I started, “but Jeanne suggested I talk with you. As I think you know, I serve as District Executive (for the Unitarian Universalist Association or UUA). We are currently in need a strong vice-president for our district board. But, before you respond, I want you to know that the circumstances of this request are a bit unusual.”

I went on to explain that we had recruited an ideal person to serve as board president, Jim Key, but he wanted assurance that the person in the VP role could step in should it be needed. Jim shared with me that he had a stage 4 cancer diagnosis that had been in remission for way too long. He knew he might not survive a two-year term, so before he would say yes to running for president, he wanted to know that there was a strong vice-president who would be there if he could no longer serve.

Denise said yes on the spot. She didn’t ask questions about the role. She didn’t ask how many hours it would consume. She didn’t even want to know anything about Jim. She just said yes because she was being called to serve. In that short conversation, I learned everything I needed to know about her character and commitment.

Denise and Jim Key

Ten years later, after serving as Jim’s vice-president for several years and then following him to the national board where he served as moderator and Denise as vice-moderator, she was called to fulfill the original commitment she made. Jim died suddenly while in office, just a couple weeks before the UUA’s General Assembly. Despite her personal devastation at his loss, Denise stepped in to serve as she had promised to do so many years before.

Denise as interim moderator of the UUA

And her commitment didn’t end there. When Rev. Jeanne decided to retire after fifteen years in her position, she asked Denise if she would serve as congregational president once again to shepherd the congregation through the transition. Denise said yes one more time. What Denise couldn’t have predicted was that a few months before retirement, Jeanne would also die suddenly, throwing the congregation into a spiral. As she had done a few years before, Denise did not let the depth of her personal loss stop her from being the leader she had been called to be. She not only served the remainder of her term, but stayed on an additional year to ensure that the congregation had the steady leadership it needed. That’s the kind of leader Denise is.

What you might not expect when you first meet Denise is that she has a dry, sometimes self-effacing, sometimes irreverent wit that adds to how much she’s endeared as a leader. The example that will stay with me forever happened when a small group of family, close friends, and clergy gathered in the church’s memorial garden following Rev. Jeanne’s public memorial service. Rev. Aija poured Jeanne’s ashes into the ground, said appropriate words, and then invited each of us to say something about what Jeanne meant to us. When it was Denise’s turn, she took a different course.

 “I’ve had three mentors in my life,” she started. “Jim Key, who died suddenly in 2017. Darn him. The second was Jeanne, and now she too is gone. And the third is Annette Marquis.” At this point she paused, looked directly at me, and said with a tone that could only have come from her well-practiced role as a mother and grandmother, “You sure as hell better not die anytime soon!”

The group laughed our first laugh of that tragic and difficult day.  She knew what we needed, and she delivered. It’s what Denise always does. She delivers.

Denise models for me what stepping into the unknown looks like, and she does it with grace, competence, and her always available good humor.

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I have a dream