Day 23: Anchoring Hope in Values

Connecting hope to personal and shared values builds resilience

A few years ago, pre-pandemic times, my wife and I created a list of the things we value together as a couple. I don’t remember how we came up with the list. Whatever process we followed, once we agreed on them, Wendy wrote them on bright pink Post-It notes, and we each hung them in our respective bathrooms so, as we prepared for the day ahead or before heading to bed, we could reflect on them.

Eventually mine fell off the wall, but Wendy’s was still up next to her mirror on somewhat faded pink paper until I replaced it in both bathrooms today with the graphic below. It’s amazing to me that it held up this long. And even though mine was no longer posted, I thought of the values often—they had become a part of me. I’m glad, though, to have them back up by my mirror too. It will make me even more conscience of them.

These five value statements—intentions really—define who we are as individuals and as a couple and, at the same time, challenge us to live into each one.

• Build Beloved Community

• Care for the Earth

• Create Courageously

• Practice Generosity

• Cultivate Delight

And what do these intentions have to do with hope, you might be asking? It’s my sense that hope is most powerful when it is based on a set of core values. Anchoring hope in values allows us to navigate uncertainty, even when external circumstances feel beyond our control. And there is a lot of uncertainly in our lives these days. By aligning our hopes with personal and shared values, we create a foundation of resilience that can sustain us through life’s challenges. At least that’s what I believe to be true.

In the early days after creating our list, we had a monthly ritual where we reviewed them and talked about how we had done on each one the previous month. As we did, the definitions deepened and broadened as we worked to understand our lives within this framework. Some months, I felt proud that I lived my values well. I spent time reaching out to others and cultivating community (Build Beloved Community), planted Virginia native plants in my garden (Care for the Earth), wrote things that challenged readers thinking or taught them something new (Create Courageously), gave time and treasure to others (Practice Generosity), and laughed and played or enjoyed nature (Cultivate Delight). I had lived my core values that month.

Other months, I realized how hard it was to incorporate each of these into my life. When my health wasn’t great, I was depressed about world events, or when I was feeling overwhelmed by work and chose to “hermit” instead of connect, I struggled being true to my values. Certainly, the first value, “Build Beloved Community’ and the third one, “Practice Generosity,” require interaction with others. It’s impossible to build community alone, and it’s hard to practice generosity by yourself. But even the ones I could do alone, suffered when stress got the better of me.

Maybe that’s why we stopped doing the monthly review. It was too painful to admit I was living outside my values and, at the same time, wasn’t working on building that “foundation of resilience” that comes from aligning values with hopes.

I think it’s time to try again. I’m going to talk with Wendy about re-instituting our monthly reviews. I need the grounding they offer in 2025. It’ll be a good way to check in and, hopefully, build a deeper bank of resilience by pushing ourselves through the rougher patches. We could all use that as we face the uncertainty of these times. I hope you’ll consider doing a similar thing, either with yourself, a friend, or a partner. I think it will help us find hope no matter how troubling things get in the wider world.

Today’s Reflection

Reflect on three to five core values or intentions that guide your life. Write them down and consider how they influence your decisions and goals.

Choose a goal that reflects one of your values. For example, if your value is “create courageously,” (it’s OK to copy one or more of ours), your goal might be to complete and publicly share an art or photography project that expresses your values, even if, in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt from today’s quote, “you’ll be criticized anyway.”

Set up a plan to assess on a regularly basis how your actions align with your values. Are your hopes and efforts consistent with what matters most to you?

Please share with me what you come up with.

With hope in my heart,

Annette

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